Adventures in Television-Watching

This is the life...just sitting on Maria's couch with Maria and Christian, eating Ben and Jerry's and watching 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s, making commentary on the really good songs and the really bad ones. And, of course, singing along.

The entire experience was punctuated by Christian's desperate search for brownie chunks in both varieties of ice cream (Half Baked and Chocolate Fudge Brownie). When Maria found a chunk and let him know, he promptly abandoned the Chocolate Fudge Brownie (which he'd more or less decimated in his search for brownie chunks) and pounced on the Half Baked. I stole the Chocolate Fudge Brownie and - of course - found a giant chunk of brownie, which prompted much whining from Christian: "Oooh! Give it to me! Please! No fair!"

Me, shoving brownie in mouth: Um, no.
Christian, in desperate attempt to get brownie: Kiss me!
Me: No!!! It's mine!
Christian: You bitch. It's like I'm the guy that went to California in 1847 and you're 1848.
Me: I need to facebook quote that right now.
Maria: You should BLOG ABOUT IT!!!

Why, thank you, Maria. I think I will.

Also, Christian permanently lowered himself in my eyes by insisting that Bono is an a-hole. (Um, no, he is not. He is brilliant, socially aware, and quite sexy. I would totally date Bono, even though he is quite a bit older than me and, you know, famous. Plus, he's married, so I don't think his wife (or kids) would be so crazy about me. Anyway. Moving on.

Christian's argument is that Bono does TOO MANY GOOD THINGS. Um, what?! How does supporting Greenpeace, Amnesty, and various anti-AIDS, -poverty, and -hunger campaigns make someone a jerk? I guess Mother Theresa's headed straight for hell, then.

Okay, update from Christian: "Let me change my argument, okay? I never said that. Here's why he's an asshole, all right? Because, um, he -eeeeeee- hold on, I'm watching this commercial. No, don't type that! Don't type that! No. He's an asshole because he does all this good stuff, but that's a cover for his love of himself. He is an egotistical do-gooder asshole. Yep. Yep yep yep."

I would like to ask you, Christian, as you read this over my shoulder (so to speak, since you're more reading this from the side and not behind) what do-gooder things YOU have ever done for humanity. I think being egotistical and doing nice things is better than not doing nice things at all.

We've moved on from the U2 discussion (in response to "One" being named one of the best songs of the 90s) to a discussion of the conspiracy surrounding Kurt Cobain's death: "How could Kurt Cobain shoot himself with a shotgun? Put THAT in your blog. He's not Mr. Fantastic. He was fantastic, but he wasn't Mr. Fantastic. Mr. Fantastic has stretchy arms."

Thanks for your unique perspective, Christian. Even though I tend to agree that Kurt Cobain did not kill himself.

Christian did acknowledge, however, that U2 is an awesome band. I couldn't agree more.

So now the show's over and we're channel surfing...we just came across this gem: "A widower and his daughters enter a surreal world to fulfill an enigmatic prophecy after they are attacked by evil trolls." Seriously, it's on ION. What?!

And now we're watching I Love Money. (Christian: Ugh, not for long.) Our commentary:
Maria: I feel like my brain cells are shriveling up and that my IQ has dropped a gazillion points.
Christian: Here's what the problem is with the show. Mr. Boston is a dirty dirty ho man. Man ho.
Maria: Man skank.
Christian: Yes, he is. He's a man ho skank. And that girl will eat pig balls.
Maria: A white boy wannabe gangsta. Like, 'Oh, I'm so Rico Suave.'
Christian: Yeah, so here's the deal with him. He makes us look like assholes. And he's captain! Oh, he's not my captain! Take that, Whitman! Suck on that, Walt!
Maria (imitating people on TV): 'I am...inarticulate. I don't know what I'm saying.' Okay, stop trying to sound smart.
TV: Okay, so you've taken some time to think about it -
Christian: No, they didn't. Don't give them that much credit.

Explain to me how making out with other contestants serves ANY purpose. At all. Why don't the contestants participate in some type of contest to better mankind, like solving world hunger or sewing Halloween costumes for non-creative, tight-budgeted children? I mean, really. Get some real jobs. The rest of us have to deal with customers to make minimum wage, and the MB is not a seaside mansion. Just saying.

I think it must be kinda hard to be Mr. Boston. I mean, no one really likes him. I feel bad for him. Mr. Boston, you have my sympathies.

Wait. "I have a lot of pride, but I'm willing to put all that pride aside for $250,000."

What? $250,000 is NOTHING. And besides that, if you had any pride (not even a "LOT OF PRIDE," as you claim), you wouldn't be on this show in the first place.

Oh ho, the tables have turned, Chance. You are not a team player. You have refused to participate twice, and you have therefore been disqualified twice.

He may not be a team player, but he apparently has more pride than anyone else on this show. Which is still not a lot, because, you know, he's there in the first place.

Well, we're going to watch Penelope now. Since I'm gonna actually want to pay attention, I think I'm gonna call it quits for this.

Sigh...

But first, a word from Christian:
so, christian he-ahhhhhh with an update. i don't realy have an update i just wanted to say that because it sounds cool. peace, romans, you don't exist anyway. homes.

Okay, Christian. Whatever.