Oh, hello there, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines"!
To attempt to explain the massive amount of cognitive dissonance involved every time I nerdily groove along to this charming little ditty, I thought I would employ the internet's biggest contribution to pithy communication: gifs. Specifically Doctor Who gifs, because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, DID YOU HEAR THAT PETER CAPALDI IS THE TWELFTH DOCTOR?!
So, without further ado, I present to you the sublime poetry of
Everybody get up!
Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com
So far, so groovy!
Hey, hey, hey
Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com
Still groovy!
If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind
Well, it ain't Shakespeare, but I can still jam to this while I'm stopped at a red light!
OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature
Source: district9andthreequarters.tumblr.com
Oh, really, now we're going to compare women to animals kept in captivity? Charming.
Just let me liberate you
Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com
CHYEAH, OKAY. YOU DO THAT.
You don't need no papers
That man is not your maker
That man is not your maker
Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com
You ain't telling me anything I didn't already know/wasn't granted by the U.S. Constitution, Robby.
And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it
I know you want it
Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com
Aaaaaand...no.
I know you want it.
Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com
Still no.
I know you want it.
Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com
No no no no no no no no creepy as hell NO.
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com
"Far from plastic"? What high praise! It's almost like I'm a real human being or something!
(Also, this episode of Doctor Who is all this line ever makes me think of. I'm a nerd. It's okay.)
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it (x 3, ughhh)
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
Pro tip: If you have to tell a woman six times in a row that you "know she wants it," she probably doesn't "want it."
What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place
It couldn't possibly be 2013, could it? It's like feminism never happened!
I feel so lucky
You wanna hug me
Oh, I want to hug you? Do I really, though?
What rhymes with hug me?
Someone buy Robin Thicke a rhyming dictionary and he could be the Bard of our generation!
One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to
As long as we're asking things of each other, let me ask you this: Does that line work on anyone? Do you think women are flattered when you "ask" them shit like that?
Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two
I think there is a flaw in your technique, good sir. Oh, and also:
BLIND RAGE.
Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it's almost unbearable
Then, honey you're not there when I'm
With my foresight bitch you pay me by
I literally don't even understand what you're even trying to say any more.
Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that
OH, YES! You're totally right, ass-smacking and hair-pulling is definitely what was missing from my last relationship. I can't believe I didn't see it before!
So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn't pick
Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me
Yeeeeeah. All righty then.
Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt
Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com
HOW ABOUT YOU BACK OFF WHILE I MAKE MY ANGRY FACE, KAY, THANKS.
What you don't like work?
ICY DEATH GLARE.
Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh
Source: feckingbatman.tumblr.com
Requires no further commentary.
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning
Couldn't have said it better myself.
I always wanted a good girl
I know you want it
Oh you do, do you?
I know you want it
I know you want it
Source: fallofthesmith.tumblr.com
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
Are you STILL talking? Really?!
I know you want it
Source: holygifsbatman.tumblr.com
I know you want it
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me
Source: syfyforever.tumblr.com
Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com
Yep. That about sums it up.
