I have my suspicions that this is already happening in some sort of (figuratively) underground boardroom, and that there is a cabal of random people who just sit down at the beginning of the year and decide what our culture is going to collectively obsess over for the next 365 days (or, in the case of this particular year, 366 days). As absolutely insane as that theory is, I think it's the most likely of all the possibilities. How else can one explain the trends that characterized 2012?
In my quest to become a part of this elite, presumably cracked-out group of visionaries, I would like to prove my worth by recapping the trends of 2012 and then, in my next post (if I remember and/or feel like it), offering my own suggestions for 2013. Feel free to get in on this with me. Together we can build a better future--or at least a more amusingly scattershot one.
1. Cupcakes
Oh, the Cupcakes. This isn't really so much a new development as it is the final stage of a years-long pop culture takeover. The Cupcakes have their own reality shows. The Cupcakes have cutesy storefront bakeries in bourgeois city neighborhoods. The Cupcakes have their own cookbooks. For the love of Jesus, the Cupcakes even have their own Cupcake ATM. (Full disclosure: I visited it and spent $4 on one cupcake.)
The Cupcakes have seamlessly integrated themselves into every dietary lifestyle. Vegan? No problem, here's a 450-calorie cupcake for you! Gluten-free? The Cupcakes LOVE gluten-free! I haven't got any word firsthand on the situation for diabetics, and logic tells me it probably ain't so great, but if you look at the Cupcakes' track record you realize there's no way in hell they're going to miss out on an entire demographic, so there's probably also a diabetes-friendly cupcake bakery out there.
Can't nobody stop the cupcakes. Not even...
2. Doctor Who
Okay, maybe it's just because I started watching Doctor Who this year so it starting showing up on my own personal trends radar, but I'm not entirely sure that's the case. For one thing, it's the first BBC show to air simultaneously in the US and the UK, which is indicative, I think, of the level of fan-obsession over here. Plus there was that Entertainment Weekly cover story (which I made the mistake of reading before I was all caught up--a simple "spoiler alert" might've been nice, EW). And then Matt Smith and Karen Gillan attended the US seventh season premiere in a Delorean, and everyone was like "TIME TRAVEL GEEKERY!" and I was like, "I'm embarrassed for everyone involved in this right now. Also, wrong time travel fandom."
But long story short, Doctor Who. It came, it saw, it conquered, although possibly not in that order. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey and all that.
But even Time Lords can't one-up Maggie Smith and...
3. Downton Abbey
Holy crap, Downton Abbey. I am going to give you a list of people with whom I have discussed Downton Abbey in-depth. See if you can guess which one is untrue:
a.) My roommates
b.) My sorority sisters
c.) Girls rushing my sorority
c.) Members of my a cappella group
d.) My (male) thesis advisor
e.) My mother
GOTCHA! It was a trick question, because I have had in-depth conversations about Downton Abbey with all of these people! I have even had legitimate Downton Abbey viewing parties (featuring tea, scones, and cheese straws) with some of these people! And I swear to you that this is not just me. I read an entire New York Times article about Americans holding Downton events where people have sit-down fancy dinners in period dress. (The juxtaposition of wearing Edwardian clothing while watching television, possibly the same set on which one DVR'd Jersey Shore just days before, apparently has done nothing to deter anyone.)
Bookstores reported spikes in the sales of early twentieth-centuiry historical non-fiction and in period fiction, e.g. Jane Austen. (The fact that Jane Austen died almost one hundred years before Downton's action begins has apparently not deterred anyone, either. "It's old! It's British! There are stuffy society types falling in love! SAME DAMN THING!" says everyone in America.) My public library had a Downton Abbey-themed shelf that practically smacked you in the face on the way in the door. In the interest of full disclosure, I did borrow a book from said shelf: Governess: The Life and Times of the Real Jane Eyres, by Ruth Brandon. Again, it was all about a time period fifty years before the Edwardian era, but still! Brits! Class division! History! Apparently, according to America, there are four stages of British history:
1. Stonehenge-builders (prehistory-middle ages)
2. Monty Python-esque villagers wallowing in mud (middle ages-Renaissance)
3. Uppity snobs who like taxing tea, etc. (eighteenth century - post-WWII)
4. THE BEATLES! Also, still sort of uppity. (1960s-present day)
Speaking of the Beatles, let's draw some comparisons to...
4. One Direction
Or, rather, let's not. I know a lot of people were calling this "the second British invasion." Presumably these people didn't realize that the second British invasion already happened in the eighties. Then again, the majority of One Direction's fanbase probably didn't come of age until the next century--nay, the next millenium--so I suppose you really can't blame them. In fact, kudos to them for knowing enough to try to draw the parallel in the first place. (See, I'm not always mean and bitter!)
I won't lie to you, I own Up All Night and have listened to it in its entirety. I know all the words to "What Makes You Beautiful" and "One Thing." I also know every single boy band harmony in both of these songs. They're catchy, I get it. If you think about it, it's basically five Justin Biebers, but with accents, which is why I try not to think about it.
But seriously. They were at the Olympics. Nothing says "Enjoy your place in the zeitgeist" like performing at the Olympics. Speaking of which...
5. Gabby Douglas and the Olympics
I know, it sounds sort of like she started an all-girl pop group, right? It has a way better ring to it than "Gabby Douglas, her hair, and the Olympics," which is what everyone made it out to be. I mean, really, people. Gabby Douglas just won an Olympic gold medal and became the first African-American all-around individual Olympic champion, and we're gonna talk about her hair? Seriously. Two questions, America:
1. What did your hair look like when you were sixteen? I want prom photos.
2. What did you do in your teens that even comes close to winning the freaking Olympics? That's what I thought.
Gabby Douglas, you rock on into 2013. Gabby Douglas's hairstyle, your moment is long over. It should never have been a moment to begin with.
After all that nonsensical hullabaloo, the Olympic Games themselves were kind of playing second fiddle. Except that everyone enjoyed comparing them unfavorably to the Beijing Olympics. Go easy on the Brits, mmkay, guys? Everyone knows they're uppity and were probably too busy unfairly taxing luxury goods and/or wallowing in mud somewhere to really put in the effort. They built Stonehenge at least. Give them some credit.
No doubt about it, summer belonged to the Olympics. Except, wait, what's this? I think we've found a challenger in...
6. Frozen yogurt
Hey, America! Remember how you all love to bitch about college dining hall food?! Let's take the best part of a college dining hall, slap it into a strip mall, and then charge you even more exorbitantly than a college meal plan would! Sound good?
Seriously, though, I went through the first twenty-two years of my life without it ever occurring to me to go out for frozen yogurt. Ice cream, yes. Frozen yogurt, not so much. And then within a six-month span, no fewer than five frozen yogurt places opened up within a fifteen-minute drive of my house. Let me give you some perspective here by listing things that are not within fifteen minutes of my house:
- A hospital
- A bus station terminal
- An airport
- A taxi stand
- A beach
- An amusement park
- Any government building (that is not a post office)
- A reputable bar/club
- My dentist, my optometrist, and my dermatologist
7. Painting one nail a different color than the rest
Fun fact: this trend apparently started as a way to identify femme lesbians, but then of course mainstream culture got a hold of it and totally divested it of any sort of meaning beyond "I like hot pink nail polish, but I also like acid green nail polish!"
I've seen maybe one or two people wear it well. Everyone else looks like they forgot midway through their manicures which color they were using. And that, my friends, is all I have to say on that score.
8. Every iteration of "Call Me Maybe"
And with that total lack of segue, let's talk about "Call Me Maybe." I think the lack of segue here is appropriate, personally, seeing as "Call Me Maybe" really did just come out of nowhere. It's not as if America was sitting around in the spring of 2012 going, "You know what the world is missing? A really twee song with some violins and a dance beat. Someone should get on that." Carly Rae Jepsen to the rescue!
What separated "Call Me Maybe" from every other ostensibly-much-reviled-yet-universally-known-and-sort-of-guiltily-enjoyed hit single this year, however, was the fact that it became such a youtube cover sensation. Basically if you were in a group with more than four other people and one of you had some sort of recording device, you were making a video of yourself singing along to this song. And that is the sort of thing that earned "Call Me Maybe" a spot on this list. I bet it was thinking it was all special and unique, too, until...
9. "Gangnam Style"
It has an SNL skit (where the punchline is literally just a recording of the song. There is no other overarching joke. "Gangnam Style" is it. Also, 0:55-0:57 pretty much sums up what happened when I introduced this phenomenon to my mother). It is the most-liked video on youtube. It has med-school parodies. It has a BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY PARODY. You will never escape this song. It will be like the Macarena--at parties twenty years from now, your drunk, nostalgic friends will be shouting "AAYYYYYYYY, SEXY LAAAADYYYYYY" and doing this and just generally looking like they've been possessed.
Speaking of being possessed...
10. Paranormal"reality" shows
Guys. Guys. Guys. No, shut up! Did you hear that? It was like a bang, or maybe a boom, or like, I don't know, footsteps. Naw, dude, seriously! I totally heard it! Since houses never settle, and wild animals never roam around abandoned buildings, and vagrants never sneak in, and the wind never blows things over, and there aren't like three of us wandering around in an unfamiliar setting in total darkness, it MUST BE A GHOST! It's the only explanation that makes any sense! Quick, call in the Long Island medium or those people from Dead Files, because we're only a demonic pig sighting and a movie deal away from the next Amityville Horror!
Ugh. Let's talk about hedgehogs.
11. Hedgehogs
These adorable little bastards took over the internet. I mean, you still have videos and pictures and gifs of cats and dogs doing cute stuff, but hedgehogs just came out of nowhere and were like, "Hey, world, we're pretty cute, too." I mean, they have their own category on Buzzfeed. Hedgehogs! Who knew! I mean, come on, how does this not make you go "awwwwww"?
Hedgehogs might melt your heart, but you know what will eat your brains?
12. Zombies
So in right now. I think they might be stealing the Murderous Supernatural Beings Pop Culture Juggernaut Award from vampires, which, let's face it, have had their day. Had I been writing this last year (or the year before that, or the year before THAT), it would have been all about Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, etc., etc. This year everyone is crazy for The Walking Dead. Given that there's a zombie rom-com coming out in February, it looks like our collective zombie obsession is going to continue into 2013. Everyone get your battle axes (or whatever it is you use to kill zombies, I'm not really up on my zombie lore) ready. Or you could just visit the CDC's web page on zombie apocalypse preparedness. Your call.
You know what confuses me as much as zombie imposters confuse real zombies?
13. Mustaches
I don't understand this. At all. It used to be that mustaches, when they acknowledged at all, were derided as creepy-looking or tool-y. Now suddenly mustaches are the "in" thing--not necessarily as legitimate facial hair, but as a design motif. In my shopping adventures, I have seen mustaches emblazoned on notebooks, mugs, and t-shirts. The phrase "I mustache you a question" pops unbidden into my head far more frequently than I would like. I thought this trend was so stupid, but it's become so common and ingrained in popular culture that I've started to be like, "Oh, that's a cute mustache t-shirt" instead of "WHY IS THERE A MUSTACHE T-SHIRT?!" Of course, stuff like this might have helped. I suppose there's only one thing to do in a situation like this...
14. "Keep Calm and Carry On"
Or keep calm and dance on, keep calm and wait for iPhone 5 (ugh, don't even get me started), keep calm and edit copy, keep calm and add butter, keep calm and talk to Mr. Feeny or, one of my personal favorites, keep calm and carry on, my wayward son. If you want to talk about ubiquity (a word I have used more in this blog post than I did in the entirety of 2012, thank you very much), here you go. "Keep Calm and Carry On" and its various variations (some of which are infinitely more clever than others) are everywhere. On the off-chance that you do not believe me, I will prove it by providing you with a "Keep Calm and Verb-Blankety-Blank" for every single item on this list. (This will also prove how spot-on all my other list items were. Grand finale time!)
I did not make up any of these myself (despite the existence of a "Keep Calm and Carry On" automatic phrase generator). These were all culled from the tangled mess that is Google Image Search. You are welcome, friends.
1. Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake. Or bake them, whatever.
2. Keep Calm, I'm the Doctor (I have this on a magnet. Also, there a million hilarious Doctor Who "Keep Calm"s, my favorite being "Keep Calm and Basically, Run.")
3. Keep Calm and Watch Downtown Abbey
4. Keep Calm and Love One Direction. Guys, there is an entire tumblr for this. I can't even. Just...why.
5. Keep Calm, It's Only the Olympics
6. Keep Calm and Eat Frozen Yogurt
7. Keep Calm and Get a Manicure
8. Keep Calm and Call Me Maybe
9. Keep Calm and Gangnam Style (It's a verb now? Has it always been a verb?)
10. Keep Calm and Hunt Ghosts
11. Keep Calm, Be a Hedgehog
12.
13. Keep Calm and Grow a Mustache
14. Keep Calm and Stop Remaking This F---ing Poster Already
Fare thee well, dear 2012. It's been real.
