Blurred Lines, Conflicted Feelings

On the one hand, I like having something catchy to groove to while I'm driving around town or trying to answer a question at pub trivia. On the other hand, I am 100% skeeved out by misogyny and am not the world's biggest fan of rape culture.

Oh, hello there, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines"! Good to see you  go to hell  WHY ARE YOU CONFUSING ME IN THIS WAY?!

To attempt to explain the massive amount of cognitive dissonance involved every time I nerdily groove along to this charming little ditty, I thought I would employ the internet's biggest contribution to pithy communication: gifs. Specifically Doctor Who gifs, because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, DID YOU HEAR THAT PETER CAPALDI IS THE TWELFTH DOCTOR?!

So, without further ado, I present to you the sublime poetry of Shakespeare  Alfred, Lord Tenneyson  the real-life son of Dr. Jason Seaver from Growing Pains.

 Everybody get up!

Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com

So far, so groovy!


   Hey, hey, hey

Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com

Hey, hey, hey

Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com


 Hey, hey, hey

Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com

Still groovy!


If you can't hear what I'm trying to say
If you can't read from the same page
Maybe I'm going deaf,
Maybe I'm going blind
Maybe I'm out of my mind

Source: crayonshower.tumblr.com

Well, it ain't Shakespeare, but I can still jam to this while I'm stopped at a red light!


OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you
But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature

Source: district9andthreequarters.tumblr.com

 

Oh, really, now we're going to compare women to animals kept in captivity? Charming.

Just let me liberate you

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

 

CHYEAH, OKAY. YOU DO THAT.

 

You don't need no papers
That man is not your maker

 

Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com

 

You ain't telling me anything I didn't already know/wasn't granted by the U.S. Constitution, Robby.

 

 

And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl
I know you want it

 

Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com

 

Aaaaaand...no.

 

 

I know you want it.

Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com

 

Still no.

 

 

I know you want it.

 

Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com

 

No no no no no no no no creepy as hell NO.

 

 

You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic

Talk about getting blasted

 

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

 

"Far from plastic"? What high praise! It's almost like I'm a real human being or something!

(Also, this episode of Doctor Who is all this line ever makes me think of. I'm a nerd. It's okay.)

 

I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it (x 3, ughhh)
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

 

Pro tip: If you have to tell a woman six times in a row that you "know she wants it," she probably doesn't "want it."

 

 

What do they make dreams for
When you got them jeans on
What do we need steam for
You the hottest bitch in this place

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

It couldn't possibly be 2013, could it? It's like feminism never happened!


I feel so lucky
You wanna hug me

 Source: wilfulwilf.tumblr.com

Oh, I want to hug you? Do I really, though?


What rhymes with hug me?

 Source: coulombs-flaw.tumblr.com

 Source: romolas.tumblr.com

Someone buy Robin Thicke a rhyming dictionary and he could be the Bard of our generation!


One thing I ask of you
Let me be the one you back that ass to

Source: dwgifs.tumblr.com

As long as we're asking things of each other, let me ask you this: Does that line work on anyone? Do you think women are flattered when you "ask" them shit like that?


Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo
Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you
So hit me up when you passing through
I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two

Source: reddit.com

I think there is a flaw in your technique, good sir. Oh, and also:

Sourcedoctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

BLIND RAGE.


Swag on, even when you dress casual
I mean it's almost unbearable
Then, honey you're not there when I'm
With my foresight bitch you pay me by

 Source: ibegto-dreamanddiffer.tumblr.com

I literally don't even understand what you're even trying to say any more.


Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you
He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

OH, YES! You're totally right, ass-smacking and hair-pulling is definitely what was missing from my last relationship. I can't believe I didn't see it before!


So I just watch and wait for you to salute
But you didn't pick
Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me

Source: mattsmithissexy.tumblr.com

Yeeeeeah. All righty then.


Shake the vibe, get down, get up
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

 

HOW ABOUT YOU BACK OFF WHILE I MAKE MY ANGRY FACE, KAY, THANKS.

 

 

What you don't like work?

 

 Source: wilfulwilf.tumblr.com

ICY DEATH GLARE.


Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica
It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh

Source: feckingbatman.tumblr.com

 

Requires no further commentary.

 

No more pretending
Hey, hey, hey
Cause now you winning
Hey, hey, hey
Here's our beginning

 

 Source: 13wilde.tumblr.com

Couldn't have said it better myself.


I always wanted a good girl
I know you want it

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

Oh you do, do you?


I know you want it

Source: gif-database.tumblr.com


I know you want it

Source: fallofthesmith.tumblr.com

 

You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines

Source: doctorwhogifs.tumblr.com

Are you STILL talking? Really?!


I know you want it


 Source: holygifsbatman.tumblr.com


 I know you want it

Source: veryusefulgifs.tumblr.com


I know you want it

Source: reactiongifs.com


But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

Source: whatshouldberkcallme.tumblr.com

Source: syfyforever.tumblr.com

 

 

Source: televisionwithoutpity.tumblr.com

 

 

Yep. That about sums it up.



Don't call me 'sweetie'

If you've read the rest of this blog at all, you'll know that I work with the public. It is truly delightful, believe me.

But over the past four years I've become more and more annoyed with one particular aspect of my interactions with customers. I'm sick and tired of being called "sweetie," "honey," "baby," "hon," "dear," and/or "darling." And I think I'm approaching a breaking point here. Every time one of the offending pet names is directed at me, a boiling hot feeling of frustration and helplessness starts in my heart and spreads through my entire chest until I'm clenching my hands and trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and smile politely. Because that's my job: to take whatever a customer throws at me--within the realm of reason, of course.

And let me tell you, I put up with a lot of crap from a lot of jerks. But part of what irks me about the pet names issue is that it's not exclusively jerks who use them. In fact, most of the customers who call me by a pet name are otherwise pleasant, friendly, and appear to be all-around good people. So maybe people just don't realize what's wrong with pet names. Maybe you don't either. Maybe you think I'm overreacting. I can see that--but I'm not. Let me explain.

Pet names are for people you are close to. They are for children. They are for beloved pets. They are not for the adult woman who handles your money. You  don't know me. I am not your 'sweetie,' your 'honey,' or anything else except your cashier. If you absolutely must address me directly, I have a big honking name tag. Use it.

My problem with pet names is that they are infantilizing, and I'm not okay with being infantilized. I am a twenty-two year old college graduates who works, who travels, who makes her own decisions. Please don't put me on the same level as your yappy little dog or your not-yet potty-trained toddler.

Furthermore, pet names are familiar. Like, too familiar. Would you be freaked out if I addressed you by your first name after seeing your credit card? Probably. When you interact with someone in a professional setting, you expect to be addressed accordingly: "sir," "miss," "ma'am," etc. You and me, this thing we're doing here? The one where you buy things and I make change? It's a business transaction. I didn't just make you a macaroni necklace, so stop acting like I'm just standing here to be adorable.

This whole pet names thing often comes up in the context of feminism, and it's not terribly difficult to see why. Look at the pet names that are considered "masculine": "son," "man," "sport," and, if you're surfing off the coast of California, "dude." When they don't immediately point to a truism about the guy's status ("son"/"man"), they're connecting him to an admirable trait (like being a good sport) or bestowing on him some modicum of coolness ("duuuuuuude").

Girls get stuck, more often than not, with the words that paint us as doe-eyed fragile beings wandering around a forest glade somewhere: "sweetie," "honey," "baby." Ugh.

But I hear guys get called "hon" and "sweetie" at work almost as often as I hear girls called the same thing. And it makes me annoyed for them, too. Because they are working just as hard as I am, and they are just as worthy of respect.

Let me put it to you this way: would you address the brain surgeon operating on a loved on as "dear"? If you ever met him (or her), would you call the president of the United States "baby"? If you were having dinner with your significant other's parents for the first time, would you christen them "sweetie" and "darling"? Of course not.

I know I'm not a brain surgeon or a president or anything, but I'm still a human being worthy of decent treatment. And guess what? I don't want to be known as "baby"; I want to be respected as an adult. I don't want you to call me "honey"; I want you to call me "miss," because that is my title. I don't want to be called "sweetie," because I'm not interested in being sweet. I'm interested in being a person of substance, a person whose ideas and opinions and personality are acknowledged and respected. I don't care if you think I'm a "sweetie" or a "honey"--if you don't know me personally, that's not for you to decide. All that matters is how I--a thinking, money-making, tax-paying adult--choose to define myself.

And I am not your "sweetie."

Thanks for the 'help,' but you can take it back

So unless you haven't been on the internet in the last week-and-a-half or so, you probably know all about the controversy surrounding photographer Tyler Shields's portraits of a made-up-to-look-bruised-up Heather Morris. Let's set aside for the moment the fact that the shoot itself was DEFINITELY in poor taste and concentrate on Shields's defense of his work:

“There is a shot of [Morris] pushing the iron to my face and ironing my crotch. … That seems more like female empowerment.” (source)

THIS is where I reached my limit. Okay, go ahead, do a photo shoot glamorizing domestic abuse. It makes you--pardon my French--an insensitive assface, but go right ahead and claim that you "didn't know" that people would be upset by the photos. We could maybe, maybe buy it and assume that you are actually just a colossal idiot instead of a giant tool. And then you go and spout off crap like this.

Look, before we go any further, I'm not trying to trivialize the complete and utter tastelessness of these photos in regards to domestic abuse. They're gross and twisted and, to be completely honest, not even that good. I don't consider myself a photography connoisseur or anything, but I can say unequivocally that pretty much anyone with a model, some makeup, and a white background could have taken these pictures. Seriously, I could go recreate them in my living room right now. (But I won't.)

So I'll admit, I was already disinclined to meet Shields's defense with anything more than an eye-roll and a snort of disdain / disbelief / disgust / dis-all-of-the-above. But then he decided to work the feminist angle. And I was puzzled, to say the least.

So let me examine this and make sure I've got it right. Violence is "empowering" as long as it's a woman inflicting it on a man? WHAT? Oh, okay. That makes total sense. It's abuse when she's sporting a black eye, but when he walks into work on Monday with iron-shaped burns all over him, everyone goes, "Gee, his wife/ girlfriend / female roommate sure is EMPOWERED!" That's sick. If that's what female empowerment looks like, no wonder feminism faces such stiff resistance.

Look, I get it. No one wants an angry woman coming after him wielding an iron. I'm not debating that. But herein lies the problem: the world basically thinks of all feminists as iron-wielding crazies, hellbent on beating men into submission. That is not, nor has it ever been, the goal of feminism. The goal of feminism is fair and equal treatment for women and men. It's right there in the definition of feminism in the ever-infallible Oxford English Dictionary:

Feminism: the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

See? Nothing in there about compulsory man hating. Nowhere does it say that I have to earn my empowerment through any UFC-type battle scenario. Which is lucky for me, as the extent of my workout for the last three months has been power-walking down the street and playing WiiFit. Also, my only iron is travel-size and barely heats up past room temperature, which means it'd be pretty useless in the crotch-burning arena. But I digress.

Let me come right out and say it. I'm a feminist, and I am proud to be one. You can say I'm overreacting, that I just like complaining, that I want attention, but I don't see it that way. All I'm doing is standing up for myself, my mom, my grandmothers, my sister, my best friend. I'm standing up for my friends who won't stand up for themselves. I'm standing up for my little cousins, who are too young to know what sexism is but will someday probably experience it firsthand.

And that's why this bothers me so much. Deserving and expecting fair and equal treatment is not the same as assault and battery, and for one petty, fame-seeking little man to publicly declare that the two are basically the same thing is wrong. Generations' worth of work have gone into the feminist movement. Both women and men have devoted their lives to fighting for female equality. And here comes Tyler Shields with his ridiculously warped ideas on empowerment, ignoring fifty-plus years of dedication, diligence, and struggle. And we're supposed to be what, thankful?

Luckily for him, I think he'll find most feminists prefer blogging to iron attacks.